My Mom’s Cappuccino

Reason 4,682:  Sometimes it is okay to lie to your children (I will always call a coffee with Whipped Cream a "Cappuccino.")

Reason 4,682: Sometimes it is okay to bend the truth with your children (I will forever call  a coffee with Whipped Cream a “Cappuccino”).

It was today, one year ago, that we lost Mom.  Her spirit was dragged out from beneath our watchful eye, well before any of us were even prepared to let her go.  We fought it on so many levels.  She wasn’t ready.  Neither were we.

The writer in me wants to pen something deeply profound; the son I will always be just wants an answer.  But after one year, I am willing to accept two things:  first, it will be a long time before I can even begin to describe the gaping void created that day, and second, I know full well that nobody will ever have the answer.  Why Mom?

The truth is today I cannot pretend to be a writer.  I am a grieving son.  That will not change.  So instead of trying to find the words to describe my loss, I’ll instead share the advice I received from a dear friend during her final days.

“Don’t just tell your Mom that you love her.  Tell her why.”  He knew, all too well, what I was going through.

“But mothers know,” I said.  I wasn’t trying to bolster the argument that I was in denial.  Didn’t matter, he knew I’d go there.

“This is true.  But the why part isn’t for her.  It’s for you.  Tell her exactly why, sit down with her and tell her all the reasons, so on that day when you do have to walk away without her, you will know in your heart that she knew exactly why you loved her so much.”

I share this because I never had enough time to tell my Mom all the reasons why I loved her.  Truth is, with her, that was another battle I was sure to lose.  But I think my friend’s lesson can still serve me well.  On this day, and each one going forward, I can find comfort knowing that the conversation isn’t really about how much I miss her, but why.

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Categories: Creative Writing, Life, Mom

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

6 replies

  1. I am so sorry for your losses … I understand fully … my mum five years ago … my brother three … he hadn’t made 50 and it was so sudden … they say time heals wounds … but here I am, all these years on, not even literally thinking about them when led to your blog, and here I am wiping away the tears … you never forget … the treasure is just treasured more and more and dare I say it “buried” deeper under life’s emotions.

  2. I just shared this…. it’s strange to read words of a grieving son… because, I am a grieving mother of a son. My son collapsed on the sand at Myrtle Beach… he made it in time to play for a short time with his three year old son. I write a blog on WordPress… my primary blog is at happycolorsandgrannygee.blogspot.com…. this is where all my photos are. I’m not trying to get you to come to my blog there… only come if you… want to. I think your words to other sons are ‘perfect’…

    “This is true. But the why part isn’t for her. It’s for you. Tell her exactly why, sit down with her and tell her all the reasons, so on that day when you do have to walk away without her, you will know in your heart that she knew exactly why you loved her so much.”

    I’m sure your mother knew her son loved her very much. A son to a mother is very precious.

    I just wanted to reach out for a moment, to you. Granny Gee/Gloria :)))

    • Wow, thank you. What a wonderful note to start the year with! I really appreciate the share, too. I must confess that words about loss still remain easier to type than say, but for me I do know my mom knew exactly how deep her our love was for her. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son, as a new father I can only imagine how that may feel. You are certainly brave to share your feelings in this regard and I look forward to following you in this new year!

  3. Sometimes there are no words – I’ve lost both my parents so I understand. Even though much more time has passed since mine died, I still feel their presence in my life daily.

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