In the second installment of the Liebster Award, I now turn to the first three of my nominator’s questions (Read Tom Lucas):
1. If you were a cereal box mascot, which one would you be?
For me, milk is a bad choice. Even as a kid, I never really liked it. Now even a sip of milk makes me look like the pregnant man from the Weekly World News that just gave birth. That’s a fact. So I can’t really say I associate so much with a particular cereal. I know, sacrilegious in the Dude category. But, if I had to pick one cereal mascot, I’d be Horatio Magellan Crunch (better known as Cap’n Crunch).
- What’s the worst thing you did when you were a kid?
The worst thing I ever did when I was a kid was probably trick my mother into thinking I was my twin brother. Not once, no. Twice? Nope. It was a serial offense (second one in this post, if you are keeping tabs), which is what made it so bad. So my brother had a girlfriend, I didn’t. Such was life.
Our curfew during high-school was get-home-before-David Letterman-finishes (how cool is that?). As part of an arrangement, I’d go in and say goodnight to our folks – as myself. Then, right when the band of the night started their set (sometimes this was a real challenge, because often the music was the best part), I would run downstairs and open/shut the garage, throw on a hat, and return to my parents room to say goodnight, as him. Truth is, by that time hey were zonked out and never had a chance to bust the hustle. I’d crawl back into bed and put Conan on, and my bro would come home eventually and pay me for my deed with tacos.
I confessed to my Mom about it just a few years ago and she was devastated. I’m convinced the confession was far worse than the crime, and I still feel really bad about it. That’s why I think it was the worst thing I ever did. But back in the day, a couple of tacos went a long way. So crunchy.
- You have 24 hours to live. Now what?
First, I’d send any DVDs I had checked-out back to Netflix. Could you imagine paying for the same DVD for eternity? I wouldn’t want that weighing down my soul in the afterlife (even if it was the Goonies). Then I’d order a subscription to Sports Illustrated and sign up for automatic renewals (who’s the sucker now?). Finally, I’d get in my car with my wife and son and drive to our family cabin – it’s where our familial souls hang out. I’m sure of it. And after dying, I wouldn’t want to have a long trip ahead of me (think of staying at an airport hotel the night before your flight). I’d just anchor close enough to the white light to make the journey that much quicker – disregarding the entire death thing, there are a few people I am really excited to see again. I like that, I’d Captain my journey into the afterlife.
So, between the tacos and mooring a ship on a dock that leads to the afterlife, I’m really starting to think Captain Crunch fits the bill just right.