On the second lane from the left, there is a huge pothole. I drive by it almost every day. I know exactly where it is and I can always feel it coming. Sometimes, I make sure to be in a different lane.
I hate to call it an anniversary, but that’s what it is. Three years is just easier to say than one-thousand-ninety-five days, so I suppose that’s why we think of it in that way. Whatever we call it, I think about my sister Dayna and remember the loss we suffered that day.
I’d like to say it has become easier and I have come to terms with the accident. But I can’t. There have been moments, during those one-thousand-ninety-five days, when no part of me could contemplate, let alone accept, that my sister was gone.
Each year, on the eve of this day, I pour a glass of wine and read Grateful Dead lyrics. We listened to a lot of music when we were young, and I will always remember the happiness I felt when we were together. I suppose lyrics help me remember the way we used to sing.
She’d pick us up from school and we’d yell at the top of our lungs:
When the shadows grow, it’ll do you fine
When the cold winds blow, it’ll ease your mind
The shape it takes could be yours to choose
What you may win, what you may lose*
I have come to realize that on the day we lost my sister, the music remained but the lyrics changed. Her laugh, free spirit, and thirst for life turned simple words into melodies. On the anniversary of her accident, I can’t help but feel the absence in my life without her. I read lyrics and listen to songs, but the music just doesn’t feel the same.
Truth is, on most nights, I stay in the second lane to the left. By the time I get to Carson Ave, traffic slows me down for just long enough to turn up the radio and enjoy her company. I feel the pothole pass, and know that her spirit is near to me. I turn up the radio again, hit the gas, and smile, knowing that time may have passed but between the lyrics it’s the memories of my sister that now makes the melodies.
In Memory of My Sister Year One
In Memory of My Sister Year Two
*Grateful Dead, “Till The Morning Comes” (Robert Hunter/Jerry Garcia).
Categories: Creative Writing, Life
Beautiful words. I’m sure your sister would have been proud. I hope you keep writing.
Wow, thank you for you kind words and for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.
My sister died 42 days ago. Thanks for reminding me to remember the good times.
I’m sad to hear about the loss of your sister. At the same time, I am humbled that my words could give you some sort of solace, even if for a short period of time. Thank you for your kind comment and all the best for you and your family during these difficult times.
I am so sorry you have this sorrow – and I empathsize, having also lost a sibling too soon… It’s wonderful that you celebrate your sister like this – welearn about her, and also you inspire us to think of our own loved… x
Thank you for your kind comment, I really appreciate it. I’m afraid we share this sorrow with far too many people. When it happened, I felt like we were the only family ever to go through this, but as the years have passed I have come to realize it is, unfortunately, a shared misfortune. I only hope that by writing about it I can connect others to my experience and that we all benefit from it in some way. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts – this too is part of it!
Yes. I think you are right. We have connected and in a deep way. Death is very much part of life and it is sometimes a hard lesson for us to learn this. I send my warmest wishes to you, and my respect to the memory of your sister. I think your writing like this can be very helpful for the many of us who share this experience…. Thank you so much.
wow, owww. will write for paper… great tag line. I send love and peace your way, thanks for visitng vsvevg, abby
Thank you so much! Yea, I like that tag line 🙂
I first read Above Year Three, then year two, then Year one….not intentionally it just kinda of happened that way…and all I can say is I’m glad your not in that place in anymore..I am happy that your sister resides in you… deeply rooted in intimate memories which you can bring out in a moment of reflection and melody to keep you company as you travel down a road where your life will bring the same comfort to another just like your sisters.. did thanks
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, much appreciated. It’s interesting that you read my posts that way – almost like living the nightmare backwards. That’s an interesting idea for a novel, though I’m sure it’s been done before. I can say my sister and I are still connected and writing has helped me along the way!
I love you brother
I love you too sister, wish I was with you at JRBs!
These posts are beautiful, and it takes a lot of courage to write about such things at all, let alone so eloquently. Just lovely.
Thank you for your wonderful compliment and kind words – I really appreciate it. For some reason, I writing about it is much easier for me. Try to get me to talk about it and I revert to a caveman! Thanks again for supporting me as a person and as a writer.
I lost my sister too so I understand your pain. I agree, it is not nice thinking in terms of anniversary’s but dates crop up, like it or not. It’s hard every year not just the date she died but also her birthday. This is a very nice blog post in honour of your sister’s memory.
Thank you so much for your kind words – I am sorry to hear we share the same sadness and loss. I agree, birthdays are brutal too. I find that writing – for me – helps, and I can only hope my own words will one day bring peace into the sadness I feel on days like today.
Truly sorry for your loss. May her melody haunt you (in a good way).
Thank you for your kind words, truly appreciate you leaving a comment – I like that, the use of haunt in a good way. I may steal that one! Thanks again.