ManFlu. I may be stating the obvious here, but let me just say that there is nothing common about a flu when a man has one. In fact, this has been proven in the equivalent of a scientific court of law (the name escapes me, see symptoms below). We all know that when the Flu attacks men, it’s exponentially more severe than, let’s say, the Flu endured by our female counterparts.
We know the “common” symptoms of the Flu, but have we really taken a look at what ManFlu brings to the table? I’ll share just a few of my symptoms from last week (thank you all for your kind wishes):
“ManMartyr” or a phobia of tissues or anything helpful to clean up our noses
“ManWhyMan” or questions regarding higher powers. How could this happen to me?
“ManPhoneHome” or extraterrestrial visitors in our lungs (it has to be, no other explanation)
“ManChannles” or an iron grip on the remote
“ManSnoop” or Guinness Book of Records tying fever (that’s high)
“Man…” or memory loss when we need to do or remember that thing
“ManMan” or belief that everyone is out to get you (they are, when you have ManFlu)
“ManPlea” even stronger belief that everyone thinks you are making it up (why doesn’t anyone believe me?)
“ManScheme” or the secret wish that the person across from you would feel just as bad for a few minutes so that they would know exactly how close you are to dying
“ManIwillEatWhatIWantwithManFlu” or excessive cravings for Taco Bell (this symptom varies by geography)
“ManNorm” or the belief that Norm from Cheers really is your friend (he cares about me and my ManFlu)
Thankfully I’m on the road to a miraculous recovery. I would type more but the aches in my fingers are starting to feel arthritic (common ManFlu symptom for writers). I’m sure there are other symptoms out there…but I’m having a relapse of Man…