I wish I was a rock star.
To call it a breakthrough, may be a little on the dramatic side. But it’s something, a moment of clarity, a way to explain why my mind takes the inputs from my senses and without fail attempts to turn them into words. How can it be that everything I see, hear, touch, and smell – and even feel – turns into a collection of phrases in my mind – a mind with a subconscious that apparently has only one exit, a way out that is defined by blotches of ink crammed into the confines of four corners?
The answer, my friends, is my breakthrough: that I have a jumble of words jammed into my frontal lobe with fiction as the only funnel is a good thing. Because I AM a writer, and I create art. There, I said it.
Why is it that I hesitate to admit this? It’s true. I create art – novels and blog posts are my canvas, and whether they are any good doesn’t negate the fact that I believe them to say something more than merely the letters that form them. I’m not going to lose an ear here, I’m just saying it’s okay to say what I do is art. Some of it good, some of it bad. It’s still art, dammit.
Truth is, I wish I was rock star. There are more than just a few reasons why I’m not (pipe down, haters), most important of which is my very average musical abilities, below average singing voice, and strong aversion to having bras thrown at me. Okay, one of those is a little bit of a lie. My vocal abilities are way below average.
So this writing thing – it’s the closest to being a rock star I’m going to get, and this makes sense to me now.
I write dialogue because I can’t sing.
I write action because I can’t really play the guitar.
I write description because I can’t play the bass.
I write conflict and tension, because I can’t play the drums (even with two arms).
I write because I’ve always wanted to create music, and turning my words into art is the only way I know how. I write what I want to write because that’s the only way, I’m afraid to say, I can be punk rock (wearing converse at 35 doesn’t get me there). And if I reach my writing goals, not only will I create art, I may just be that rock star too (go ahead and throw bifocals, I can handle it).