Dear Red Hot Chili Peppers

One more chance?  That would be a waste of time (© 1991 Twentieth Century Fox)

One more chance? That would be a waste of time (© 1991 Twentieth Century Fox)

Dear Red Hot Chili Peppers,

Please stop stalking me.  I ended things between us several years ago because you refused to get out of my head.  But you’ve followed me, everywhere.  It’s actually a little creepy.  Every time I turn on the radio, there you are just trying to get me to remember the good times.  Because of you,  I’ve flipped from AM to FM, from Satellite to Pandora, but there you are again, encouraging me to give it away, give it away, give it away now.

I have given it away, it’s over.  I even stopped listening to the radio, but there you are on my TV.  Cameo on the Simpsons?  You really know how to strike a chord – not in a good way.  I read your name on bumper stickers, and think of you every time I season my pizza, see an ambulance, or cross a crosswalk wearing a sock.  I know, seriously, creepy stuff.

You have some great tunes, and I’ve enjoyed your funk, but really that was for one hot minute.  What I’m trying to say is it’s not you, it’s me.  We once had something, but that spark is long gone (but only because of the stalking, really).  Water under the bridge.  Please stop following me and for goodness sake get out of my head.  As a concession, you can keep your royalties and take the Smashing Pumpkins with you (I’m keeping Point Break).

Your ex-fan,


Categories: Confession

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

16 replies

  1. I have a remedy bound to eradicate the curse of the RHCP. (No it does not involve a toilet). Simply play “Bridge Over Trouble Water” ad nauseam. Of course there is a risk this will just drive you back into the sock covered arms of RHCP. Good Luck!

  2. Ha ha. And for real: I was thinking of you when I got your like. Yeah. I’ve just been under the weather to pop over sooner.

  3. They’re out there. And it’s not just RHCP. Enjoyed this. 🙂

  4. Funny. Never a fan, but they stalk me, too. 😦

  5. heh, i enjoyed this post and yeah the Pumpkins are on my list too! hhmm, bumper stickers, Simpsons?…and to think they were so cutting edge, seems they’ve joined the cult of capitalism..

    • Yea, they certainly have. I mean, they had a really good run and I have to hand it to them – they have made it last. It’s just a shame that the freshness of their music has become so diluted. I can imagine a different scenario – one where I pull out their old records and actually reminisce and enjoy the music – not the case, too much of a fairly good thing. Plus the stalking – really, I don’t appreciate it!

  6. At least it’s not a jingle from an advertisement that’s stalking you…

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